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strawberryheart
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Name: moriyah
Gender: Female
Interests: reading, writing, designing, studying the Word, listening to music, hanging out with people that make me smile, studying torah, working on my site...finding those rare moments where you can just relax without worrying about something you have to do.
Occupation: Computer related (Internet)
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Yahoo:  moriyah_ruach_anavah
Member Since:
7/13/2004
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| Im Moving!
Just... not in the way that I expected it. I'm moving into my dads
house. It's temporary, just so that I can start school....which brings
me to my next big news - I'm starting college in a few months! In long
beach! I have to admit, im excited and terrified at the same time. Just
the whole starting new school thing, and again, knowing absolutely no
one. I'm hoping everything goes smoothly. Just the fact that Ill be
living at my dads, makes me a bit apprehensive. It will be awesome to
be around my sisters once again, but still I'm not totally sure how
things will turn out. I spent another week up there, last week, and it
made me realize things that have been on my mind since I left my senior
year of high school. You know once you grow up a bit and look back you
wonder if everything you did as a teenager was warranted, you wonder if
maybe it was all just the exaggeration and overall moodiness of your
adolescent years.
Well, last week reasured me that it wasnt just my imagination or
an excuse to have something to complain about. My dad still is the
same, maybe even worse. He's never around, and he lies all the time.
He'll leave and say he is going to pay a bill and he wont come back
till 5 in the morning. He'll call and say he is at Food for Less and we
wont hear from him for hours, let alone him come home with groceries.
Its pretty bad, after a few days of me being there I started to realize
that dad hasnt hardly been home for longer than a few hours in the past
like 3 days. But its not like he doesn't take care of us, money is
always left on the table to get something to eat. We ate out so much we
ran out of options - chinese, burgers, pizza, subway (yum)... we did it
all.
Don't get me wrong though, I love my dad, things between us are good.
I'm really gratefull for all the things he is doing for me. But to deny
this part of him is just, well, denial. My sisters are really excited
that I'll be moving in. In fact they got really upset when the decision
was still up in the air. I know they need me there, and I didnt want to
have to let them down again. I just don't think that I could my
littlest sister could take that kind of blow. She's really upset at my
mom right now, and to be honest she has all the reason to be upset.
Regardless for the reason that my mom can't be around, fact is - shes
not around. And that does damage to a kid growing up, needing a mother.
We are hoping that Yah comes through for us and my mom gets this
account that will provide more than enough to move to long beach and
get a place near by. Maybe things will finally be made right - after
all these years.
So thats my update for now. Hey if any of you have a myspace - add me!
Ive been really into Death Cab for Cutie lately, so im adding the song "Soul Meets Body".
I love the chorus!! "I
do believe its true that there are roads left in both of our shoes, but
if the silence takes you then I hope it takes me too... So brown eyes
Ill hold you near, cause your the only song I want to hear, a melody
softly soaring through my atmosphere." The video is pretty cool too.
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| Lying Awake At Night....All Night.
Listening To: Death Cab for Cutie - Title & Registration
I just may be going to long beach (cali) this weekend to spend some
time with my sisters. I found out that adrienne has never seen the
movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind! I couldn't believe
it. Its like one of my favorite movies, for a number of reasons- it
just has a great feel to it that somehow I can relate to. I suppose
because it plays with the idea of memories erased, we all have one time
or another wish we could completely wipe out segments of our lives that
we never want to remember again. But the irony of it, is that it plays
with the realization that no matter how painful those memories have
been we erase a part of ourselves with them as they disappear. Anyways,
its just a cool movie. So we plan to get together and rent movies and
hang out.
CD's I would own if I had the money::
Anna Ranger - Above & Underground
Joy Electric - Hello, Mannequin
Joy Electric - Ministry of Archers
Soviet - We are eyes, we are builders
Soviet - Moving Pictures
Mute Math - Reset
The Postal Service - Give Up (tho, I own pretty much all the mp3's  )
Figurine - The Heartfelt
Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlantciism
Death Cab for Cutie - Plans
Coldplay - X&Y
Keane - Hopes & Fears
But as you can see I am broke. And thus my music collection suffers. On
a lighter note, progress has been made in the website department, tho
as a whole so much is still needed to be done. I am pushing for this
week to make it public. Well the sun is coming up- thats my cue -- time for
bed.
BTW: Your Listening to Keane - Everybody's Changing
[Keane has easily become one of my
most favorite bands, the album Hopes & Fears is completely awesome,
there isnt a song on H&F that you wont completely fall in love
with!]
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| Appologies Spoken, Hearts Still Left Broken
Listening to: Death Of an Interior Decorator - Death Cab for Cutie
Ive been so messed up lately. With all the stuff going on in my head
about my dad, I have done my worst. Let me back up for a minute. Alot
of things have come out to me lately about our family's past and so
forth, way to personal to be written here, but just some really hard
things to think about and deal with. And in the aftermath of it all,
Ive take out my fustrations with my mom, and just been all around an
angry/irritated person even at G-d. But today I've said my appologies,
and I am trying to move on, yes recovering from that major shocker. I
still dont know how I am going to react when he decides to actually
tell me about these things in person.
I will always love my dad. In fact the major reason I cried was that
now that we know the reality about my dad, it will be just that much
harder for him to ever come to the truth. I want my dad to be in the
faith, I want him to be a man of Elohim. And it just hurts that I know
that this is a huge hurtle in his life.
It will forever stand in the way, because His Word says its wrong. And
that just saddens me, for my dad. I know its not hopeless, but I guess
I got angry at myself too. Not like it was my fault but because I know
that he needs alot of prayer. I think of my whole family and
immediately I thought someone needs to be praying. And I know that I
should be doing it everyday, but I dont know whats wrong with me. Its
almost as if that strength and will has left me.
Ive been like this since finally getting back home to Cali.....being in
the situation I was in took all that I had...and its like I was
completely sucked dry of that inner strength, the strength it takes to
have that kind of faith. I wish I had that kind of faith again. I could
pray and know without a doubt G-d would have my back. Im just not the
same anymore. Ive been damaged, the fire that was once lit remains to
be rekindled. I do try and push myself, and I'm going to have to, its
so important, I owe it to my family to at least give them that.
Note to self: I must definitely get the album Transatlaticism by Death Cab. | | |
| Tomorrow Ill Be Home
written August 19, 2005 @ 2:03 AM
going home for real tomorrow - bus leaves @ 6:30 am. gonna miss them so
much. But I kinda will like returning to some normalsy. I want to have
a nice quiet night in my cozy room with one of my good books, get back
into the habit of reading the bible and stuff. I know its bad, but I
havent had my own goals/commitments in a while in regards to reading
the Word. Its so comforting and awesome to see Oliv seeking YHWH on her
own. I walk in on her reading the bible and listening to Skillet all
the time. The bible is always near by. Makes me so happy and hopeful
for her. Leaving always makes me wish we lived closer. I got my new
converse yesterday and the wheel to for my chinnies at home. Rent is so
expensive around here - or I would totally move.
This week or so has made me think about how much I miss this place
((long beach)). Its been home since as long as I can remember. Seeing
how weill my sisters are taken care of, I can understand why they would
never want to leave and I really dont blame them. Not to mention their
schools and friends, boy friends - and just the whole familuarity of
everything. I have to admit that if I was in their position I wouldnt
leave either.
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| While I Was Away
written August 15th 2005
I've been staying over my sisters house for the past 5-6 days and its
been really nice. Dad really has shown that he cares for me. We've
talked some about what I went through in NY and about the night I
really wished I had two quarters to call him (dad) at that payphone. I
was so messed and through with everything and for the first time for
that split second I was willing to spill my guts and for once be honest
about what I was going through and what was really happening. No things
were not ok, not how I protrayed it to be. Maybe if I would of had two
quarters that night our reunion would have been sooner.
I just really am having a good time I hardly ever get to spend time
here and with my dad. We are finally getting along good and it just
feels good to have him back into my life. Tomorrow we are going school
shopping for my sisters and also to get me some new shoes which I
really need badly! Im so excited! (I dont have to look poor
anymore...lol) He also told me that he was planning on getting me a new
computer before xmas, and hinted to Oliv about getting me a brand new
car when I get my license (yeah I know im such a late bloomer... :(
problem is that in ny we used taxi's all the time and really havent
been able to afford a car, so it has never been in the forefront) So I
really need to get on the ball.
Ive also been giving alot of thought of going to college and working
towards something. I was never able to do this before, and I think it
really is time for me to set out and do my own thing... you know
something for me.
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